Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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