So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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