Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
