yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize