Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
