haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
