She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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