someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
