also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
