i may or may not be watching the land before time
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize