I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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