Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
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My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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