a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
