I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Of course I have a pirate flag
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
