if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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