I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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