he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
