Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
