I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
