hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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