There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
