Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
