honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
