You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
