I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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