and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
