She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
