she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
