But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You're like the curious george of whores
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
