I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
