I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
