I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
