Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
