he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
