Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So much rum. So many feels.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
