I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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