wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
thus making me awesome and them whores
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
