Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
