mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
