$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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