wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
