U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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