I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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