i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
