I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
