i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
