First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
