I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
