when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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