i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
