Duck Duck Cougar?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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