I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
