allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm passing your future prison.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
