Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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