Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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