I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
be right there i have to get my cape
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
