My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
