Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
