The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
