Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
