only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize