I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
