ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
