My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
