I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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