I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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