I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
