I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
