She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
